This may sound weird because I haven’t been in the scene long enough to consider myself experienced, but these are a few things that I have learned rather quickly.
- Don’t be afraid to ask questions.
If you are at a play party or a dungeon or something of that nature, ask questions. Wanna look at a cool toy? Just ask. Odds are, the people at these places will be more than happy to show you a thing or two about whatever it is you’re asking to see. The people around you are probably experienced as well, so there would be no one better to ask!
- Respect the owner as well as everyone else.
The owner of any place does not want to have to clean up your mess after you leave. The owner has the right to tell you to leave if you are being disrespectful. The owner is being kind enough to allow several people into their home and providing a safe place for play. Be gracious. also, if there is a scene going on, don’t talk, don’t interrupt, don’t do anything. If the door is open, consider yourself lucky to watch, but the Top and Bottom need to be able to get into their headspace in order to fully do a good scene.
- Be friendly, but not too friendly.
I am a fairly nice person when it comes to meeting people. I want to be a walmart greeter when I retire. But if you see someone walk in, kindly say hello and ask who they are there with. I know there are some adorable people out there that will walk in the door and just make you blush, but you need to make sure you know who they’re with, and respect that. I wouldn’t be very happy if my dom walked in and everyone started hanging all over him.
- Do a little research.
Every house or dungeon you go to has a list of house rules on their FetLife page. It will usually be in their writings. Look for them. Read them. If you already know the rules, you are one step forward.
- Know that you are new, but don’t use it as an excuse.
Some of us are so new to the scene and we get excited. But don’t let your excitement get in the way of being safe and courteous. Don’t be loud or run around or be reckless with toys and such. The owners and more experienced guests are not your babysitters and nannies.
- Be safe.
This is something that is very important. Safety comes before everything else. If you are working with impact play for instance, and you aren’t sure exactly what you’re doing, ask someone for help. The last thing you want to do is be too proud and end up hurting your partner because you didn’t want to ask. Don’t be shy, these people are so nice and would love to help. This is a learning experience for everyone, just experience it the safe way.
This wasn’t directed at anyone, just a few things I have learned over the past couple of months. I may add more in the future, but this is it for now.