There are times where I don’t feel like being a slave. I look around the apartment and see what needs to be done, dishes, laundry, dinner prep, grocery shopping and I think to myself I really don’t wanna do any of it. Daddy will give me errands to run and even though I’m nodding my head yes, inside I’m thinking “Nope, nope. Nope. Definitely don’t wanna do that one”. I still do them because, that whole responsibility thing. Can’t ignore them no matter how much I may want to. Even though I do them, my heart isn’t in them. Which isn’t normal for me because I’m a service whore. I get off on being in service to Daddy. It makes my heart soar whenever Daddy compliments me on a clean apartment, when His eyes light up when He sees that I’ve picked up His current food craving without being asked, and all that stuff. Totally makes it worth it. But there are times where no matter His response, my heart just isn’t in it. When that happens my good friends, that is what is called burnout.
Merriam-Webster defines burnout as “ the condition of someone who has become very physically and emotionally tired after doing a difficult job for a long time”. As much as we s-types do love being submissiveand serving, I doubt anyone is going to debate the fact that what we do can be a difficult job and is definitely a long term job.
In my opinion, the feelings associated with burnout are almost as bad as those that are associated with subdrop. Not quite as bad, but it’s still an extremely unpleasant feeling. Even though burnout may be something that’s not talked about a whole lot by s-types, it’s something that happens to every s-type. And I’m sorry, but if any s-type says they’ve never experienced any kind of relationship burnout, they are LYING! Like with everything else, burnout happens in varying degrees, sometimes lasting maybe an hour or two or even weeks and months. There are a lot of things that can cause burnout. Stress, health issues, personal and family problems, problems at work, relationship issues, all of these things can contribute to burnout.
It’s not always easy to realize you’re dealing with burnout. For me anyways, it always slowly creeps up on me. In the beginning, I chalk it up to insomnia or not sleeping well, or after bingeing on junk food or a little too much fast food, weather, or just having an off kilter day. Come on, we all have off kilter days. Then I notice that the feeling is lasting a little longer and a little more (insert word I’m not sure of) and finding myself wanting to tell the laundry to fuck off and do itself, then I know what I’m dealing with for sure.
The good thing, burnout isn’t a permanent problem. Yes, it may feel that way, but it’s not. There are things you can do to help overcome burnout and hopefully shorten your period of suffering.
First things first, you gotta talk to your dominant. You gotta let him or her know what’s going on with you. Yes, they may notice that not everything is okay with you, but they are not mindreaders and can’t figure out on their own that you’re dealing with burnout. You need to let them know that you’re feeling overwhelmed and together the two of you can work something out to help reduce the stress at home or coming up with some kind of ritual that helps you focus and relax.
The second thing, self care. A lot of s-types tend to see self care as being selfish(I was one of those s-types), but if you’re not taking care of yourself, then how can you take care of your dominant and other responsibilities? Self care doesn’t have to be anything extravagant or expensive. A special treat(mine are a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, a trip to Starbucks, or a new book), a bubble bath, taking time doing something you love doing. Being able to relax and recharge your batteries can make the world of difference.
Another thing, learn how to say ‘no’ and setting boundaries. Too many times we take on too many projects and get involved with the local community and groups, and before you know it, you’re involved in more activities than you realize. When you have children, they’re involved in afterschool activities which means you’re also involved in said afterschool activities which quickly adds up. It’s okay to say no, that you can’t make something for this fundraiser or that you can’t make it to someone’s party.
Like I said earlier, I’ve been there. I’ve found myself struggling with burnout and overcoming it. It’s not something that you can overcome once and never have to worry about it again and that’s why it’s important to practice the things I mentioned above on a regular basis. Your mental well-being and submission will thank you for it.
Also, I want to leave you with some links that have some more tips on how to deal with burnout.