One weekend, my Dominant and I had a number of really great scenes. No matter what we were doing, we were deeply connected to each other and it was blissful. I can’t even remember what we did but I remember the high I felt I was soaring on no matter what else we were doing that weekend.
Then came Monday (as Monday’s do).
He went back to the office and worked some long, busy hours. I was at home, doing all the usually cleaning and cooking tasks. As the day progressed, I felt more and more sad. I had trouble focusing on what I needed to do and confusion because we just shared some really great time together – what did I have to be sad about.
This was my first experience with sub drop. We can get really good at being in those wonderful feelings that sometimes, when we come back down to our “normal” even emotional state, we go a little further down than intended resulting in sadness, confusion, loss of focus, or even anger, disconnection, and frustration.
It took me almost a day and a half of these feelings before I stopped and even reflected on my own feelings. I opened up my journal and just started to write… “I have no idea why I am sad again today. We had this great time together on the weekend and…” then it hit me like the proverbial brick wall. Subdrop! I had read about you earlier, maybe that is what I am experiencing here.
Our Dominants are amazing at caring for us. When they aren’t around, we can forget to keep up that level of care (you know that is what they would want for us). And that is what would help reduce the experience of sub drop. During that first episode, this is what helped me get through it.
1) Free writing. Like I said, I opened that journal and I wrote my heart out. Even if it makes no sense in the moment, let yourself get out everything that needs to be said. Sometimes when it is out of our head and in front of our eyes, we can understand what is happening with a little clarity.
2) Chat with another submissive friend. A dear friend and I were at a class together and I just let it slip that my Dominant and I had some great play earlier that weekend and I was feeling some serious sub drop and working my way back out of it. Knowing I had someone to talk to who understood the confusion was incredibly helpful. If you don’t have a friend in real life, the internet can create that avenue to meet like-minded people. You may want to try the chat forum here on SubmissiveGuide.com or maybe head on over to the FetLife group.
3) Add in the self-care. To get my head in the game again, I had to treat myself the way my Dominant would. I took extra care in picking good foods (and even a little bit of chocolate), I went to bed at a decent hour, made sure I got outside for a walk, took a shower and didn’t mind if it was a little longer than usual. I even lit some candles that make the house smell wonderful. Once that started to happen, the urge to clean and cook came back. I wanted my outside to reflect the goodness I was starting to feel again inside.
4) Talked to my Dominant. This was a big one because we were new but He needed to know. He started to make sure he would call or message more often after play sessions to make sure I was feeling loved and supported, even if He couldn’t physically be home. He has added some more aftercare and I am more aware of when I need a few more cuddles or some quiet time to find my equilibrium.
If you are feeling down after a play session, I want you to know that you are not the only one. You are not crazy. And more importantly, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It is part of what we need to do in order to serve our Dominants. We have to look at ourselves through their eyes and help them care for their treasures.
Have you ever experienced sub drop? What are your tell-tale signs that you need a little more TLC?