Normally I would refrain from writing a post on Fet for numerous reasons, be it my age, my experience, or that I just don’t feel I have anything on my mind that absolutely NEEDS to be put up for the kink world to read. That being said, recently I have seen a few interesting posts about mentors in the scene and along with that, my mentor has reached a monumental benchmark in his kink career and it gave me some nostalgia to think about how we met and all he has done for me.
I’d like to preface this writing by saying my only intention is to voice my opinion on having a mentor at an early age (18-21) along with sharing some anecdotes to show just how much my mentor has personally helped me.
Before we get into the mentor part, id like to share some backstory about how I met my mentor…
When I first got into the kink scene I had just turned 19. I mustered up the courage to go to a newbie night knowing absolutely nobody or anything outside of the kink books / blogs I had read. Not much happened that night, but I felt more comfortable and continued to go to events frequently. Slowly I made friends, I watched people play, asked questions here and there, built up my bag of toys, but mostly observed. Eventually I got to play with an amazing girl and quite honestly, it was cringeworthy. We played in private since I was too nervous to play in front of people I assumed would be judgmental… I was afraid to hit her with my flogger, couldn’t bring myself to be some bossy Dommly Dom and honestly, looking back on it now I still cringe.
After that experience, I felt like a failure. I still attended events and had fun, but I didn’t play. I self tied and did my best to learn about rope. I researched safe rope types, went to rope events, watched videos, and practiced on myself. One night, I was tying a spiderweb on my legs as all the other people at the event were sitting talking a few feet away. Eventually, a man called me over and couldn’t stop saying how awesome my spiderweb tie was and asked me how I learned to do it. I explain I saw a photo of it and couldn’t find instructions so I practiced on myself until I figured out how to do it properly. He was ecstatic and it made me feel so good to finally know I was doing something right! I didn’t feel like such a failure anymore and I held my head high.
I dislike putting names in posts so lets just call him S (even though I know you can already see who it is on my profile)… S eventually became a good friend of mine, one I would attend events just to see and talk to, but not too soon after the place I once called my kink home closed and I had nowhere to go. I was 19 and needed to be 21 to attend any play party close by… but I couldn’t understand why. I spent months watching experienced people play, asking questions, practicing on myself and others (that one awful time), and now I had nowhere to go for 2 years. Luckily for me, S cared for me and all other young people in kink so he put his ass on the line to fight for an 18+ night for me to attend. After countless months, he managed to get one night a month for all 18+ people to attend and learn about kink and be around likeminded people.
I loved these nights, I spent all month waiting for that one Friday to roll around so I could stop hiding who I was and spend time around my second family. I would spend the whole evening talking to S and watching him play if he ever did. I studied what he did, wishing that someday I could be like him. Eventually I asked him if he would be my mentor, something I never thought he would say yes to. I was just some random kid who, to my knowledge, everyone looked down upon. Why would some well known player in the kink community want to have some random 20 year old mentee? To my surprise, he said yes (after a slightly lengthy discussion about what we both expected to get out of it) and I was overjoyed.
At this point, S was my best friend in kink. He and I would chat all night at events, be it joking around or talking about kink. He would introduce me to people and even do special scenes where he would take a step back to explain something to me as I intently watched. He even let me practice on some of the amazing women he got to play with that would agree to help me learn.
And now, since you have managed to get through my long rambling story of how I met S and he became my mentor, I will discuss my opinion on mentors for younger people in kink…
Mentors are an amazing resource full of experience and information. Hopefully he/she also your best friend in the kink community because that makes it even more enjoyable. That said, I do not think the only thing, or even the main thing mentors bring to the table is knowledge they can teach to the mentee.
My mentor has taught me many things… techniques, timing, scene setup, aftercare, things that are critical to a scene. I watched him play countless times as I learn best from observation and am not surprised when I find myself mid scene doing things almost the same as he does. While I value this information and would be content if this were the only thing he did for me, there was and still is something that is (in my opinion) far more valuable that he has given me…
My mentor gives me confidence. I stand tall and hold my head high knowing there is an experienced well respected man standing behind me willing to take time to watch me, critique me, and vouch for me. I feel like I could put the world on my back when I am around him at a kink event, and even when he isn’t there I still feel more confident than ever in my ability. Before I met him I was always nervous (as evident from my first scene story). I felt like I would disappoint any woman I played with… “Why would she want me when that guy over there is 10x better at insert kink activity here?”, I asked myself that question countless times in my first year in the kink community. Now, I never do. My mentor taught me to value myself, that I am good at what I do, and deserve to find a partner that will make me happy and that I can make happy.
It isn’t easy being young in kink… there aren’t many single people who go to events that are a similar age, many people look down on you for your age and lack of experience, and it feels like you are trying to break into a clique in high school all over again. Having a mentor there to back you up is exactly what EVERY young person actually interested in kink needs.
My mentor became my best friend, someone who I have spent many amazing nights with (get your head out of the gutter you goof, I mean at events!), someone who has vouched for me, stuck his neck out for me, and he is someone I will NEVER forget, no matter where our lives may take us. He has given me confidence I never knew I had and welcomed me into an amazing world with open arms. Who knows where I’d be right now if it weren’t for him… maybe not even on Fet anymore, your guess is as good as mine.
All I know for sure is that meeting S was the best thing that ever happened to me in the kink world and if he reads this, I just want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart and congratulations on 10 years in the community! If you are an experienced person reading this, I’d urge you to reach out to youngsters you see frequently at events if you don’t already. Who knows, you may just change their life!