So here you are.
You have submissive and/or slave tendencies. You feel the pull to have someone dominant you, control you, someone to worship and serve, someone who makes you want to grovel and who fills your world.
At the same time you want that someone to cherish you. Love you. Embrace and enhance your submissive nature and nurture the person you are.
Can you have it? Absolutely.
However…Lets take a look at what you’re asking and what you can expect.
You want someone who has the experience to take you on this journey in the right way for the right reasons and with the right outcome…and who is your age. Well right off the bat that means if you’re 20 something the odds of you finding that massively experienced Master who matches the image in your head is pretty damn small. Experience takes time. Experience in power exchange, learning to Master the Art of Domination, takes time. I don’t care how much potential a young dominant has, they need years of seasoning (and ideally a bit of training) to master their art. Masters are not born in a day. They are taught, refined and seasoned through years. Be realistic. If you’re looking for someone young understand you are going to be part of their early journey and the experiences you have are going to reflect that. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing but it very well probably won’t match your expectations. So go on the journey and learn together. Build experience and your relationship over time. Expect less, work at it more. If you’re with the right partner, you’ll both get there in time. If you are older, you have a better shot of finding that “perfect” Master already formed.
But…that brings us to the second part. If you’ve been fortunate enough to find someone who is very experienced don’t expect that you are the first submissive/slave they’ve had. Don’t expect their life to be empty of other kinky people. They got that experience somewhere. The better they are, the more likely they are to have power exchange relationships already and to be less interested in monogamous ones. I’m not saying there aren’t any, but many people got all that experience by engaging widely with many people over time. Does that mean they have no room for you? No, it means you get the benefit of all their experience and learning and, if they have other relationships and they’re like me, inclusive, you get the benefit of the experience of people who have already served under them as well. Some of us have extensive kink networks. You get to be part of all that.
What don’t you get? Exclusive attention. You might think that’s a big loss. I can tell you when someone lives this way 24/7, there’s a lot of time to give people attention and a huge appetite to do so. You’d be amazed just how much you can do with 24 hour days. What you won’t get is an unhealthy obsession. On either side. This is a benefit.
You won’t be a girlfriend. You won’t be a boyfriend. You may be a partner in power. You may be treated like a lover or you may simply be a sex toy (tell me that doesn’t push your buttons ;). You won’t have equal say. You won’t have authority to make decisions without consultation. You won’t live like vanilla people. It’s a big shift. Which brings me to the next point.
So here you are, you’ve found someone interested and you’re all ready to move in and throw your life in their hands.
Stop. Right. There.
This is big stuff, lifestyle living. Do you really think I or any other dominant worth their salt, who can have any number of great submissive/slaves serving them because they really ARE that awesome dominant you’re looking for, is going to take you off the street, completely unknown and simply plonk you in the middle of their house and life?
Reality, folks, is important. And this kind of decision is important. That kind of person is going to take their time. THEIR time. They’re going to want to be sure you’re worth the effort, the expense and the disruption to their life. Yes, it will disrupt their life. And dominants can be persnickity about that. So chill. Answer questions. Expect to be interviewed more than once. Expect to be evaluated for suitability. Expect to have to jump through some hoops. How you behave and respond will either get you to the next level or out the door. You want to be valued? Then let someone take the time to appraise you and decide they value you. Expect to work your way into a position of servitude. Expect to have to change things to adapt and adjust to a very different way of life. Expect it to take time.
You say you want to serve. But what does that mean? Do you really know, you who are new? Or do you have some vague idea in your head? Because that experienced dominant knows EXACTLY what it means. They have defined it, refined it, polished it and set it into a primary place in their life. If they already have people in place, they’re already receiving service and simply offering “something” may not be enough. Are you willing to learn what THEY mean by service? Are you willing to fit into and align your desires and your needs to the dominant you’ve found? Or are you determined to live the model in YOUR head instead of the one in theirs?
Reality dictates that one cannot do everything one fantasies about. Yet, in the right environment with the right people, one can do a LOT of what one fantasises about. However, the kicker is this. You don’t get to decide. D/s is about giving that decision making authority over to someone else. That’s what TPE is alllll about. You stop getting to decide. Are you ready for that?
Most of us are into play. But for that 24/7 Master you’re looking for, play may not be the most important thing. It rarely is. Attitude. Willingness. The ability to obey. And play is another area where YOU DON’T GET TO MAKE THE DECISIONS. That’s the dominants job. If they’re as good as your head says they should be, this isn’t a problem. They like to play, they’re good at play and they will enjoy playing fairly frequently. They may play the way you like. They may play the way they like. They may play some way you hate. But they will always play their way.
A lot of people are quite taken by this idea. The reality is something they are not so taken by however. The reality means that if your Master decides to do behaviour modification it’s because your current behaviour ISN’T WHAT HE/SHE WANTS. It’s not about whether you behave in an acceptable manner or not. It’s not about doing it right or wrong. It’s simple. Your Master doesn’t like it, doesn’t want it or wants something else more. It’s personally challenging, to be changed by someone else’s choice, not your own. Understand this and that you will most likely fight it, even if you don’t want to. But understand too that it’s your choice in the end. Submit or walk. If you want it, you’ll fight for it. But you won’t be fighting your Master. You’ll be fighting yourself. Only then will the two of you be truly aligned in what is happening.
Oh and by the way, some of those things you read about? They’re physically demanding. It’s tough to kneel often and on many different surfaces. Your bum gets sore from sitting on the floor all the time with not so much as a cushion (and even with a cushion). And standing at attention? Not only can that be hard on the knees and back but it can get boring and your attention can wander. Does this mean we don’t do these things regularly? No. It means you’re going to have some unpleasant owies along the way until your body adapts.
Is there more I could say? Yes. I could probably write a book on it. Seventeen years of absolute devotion to power exchange relationships and lifestyles has given me a lot of insight and perspective. But I’m not going to. I just want to give a heads up to all you aspiring slaves that think that saying you want 24/7 is going to be enough to get you into a good D/s relationship with the Master of your dreams. Yes, it can happen. Yes it does happen for some people. Yes, the Master of your dreams may well be out there. But you might just be walking right by them because of some preconceived notions about how it all should work. Have a think about that. Then have another look around. You might just see more than you did before.