The 40 Red Flags
The following are warnings that a potential Dom may not be all that you think they are. Please be careful if the potential Dom:
1) Tries to separate you from your friends, family or BDSM community.
2) Avoids talking about personal details. Gets mad when you ask or quickly ends the conversation or answers questions with questions.
3) Has no BDSM references or friends you can talk to.
4) Gets angry when you ask for references or ask around about them.
5) Is inconsistent with details about themselves.
6) Does not give you their home and work phone number at the appropriate time.
7) Only communicates with you at strange hours and gets mad if you try to contact them at other times.
8)Criticizes the BDSM community and refuses to participate, especially if they never were part of it.
9) Consistently breaks promises.
10) Always finds excuses for not meeting real time.
11) Always puts blame on others for things going wrong.
12) Does not take personal responsibility.
13) Has bad relationships with most or all of their family members.
14) Pressures you into doing things you do not want to do.
15) Does not respect your limits, negotiations or contracts.
16) Pushes you into a D/s relationship too fast.
17) Swears undying love before even meeting you.
18 Hides behind their D/s authority and says that their authority should not be questioned.
19) Tries to make you feel guilty for not being good enough. Says that you are not a “True” sub.
20) Loses control of their emotions in arguments and regresses to yelling, name calling and blame.
21) Puts you down in front of other people.
22) Turns instantly on their friends, going from best friend to arch enemy at the drop of a hat.
23) Treats you lovingly and respectfully one day and then harshly and accusingly the next.
24) Never says thank you, excuse me or I am sorry to anyone.
25) Lies or withholds information. Cheats on you or is overly jealous.
26) Will not discuss what your possible future relationship could be like.
27) Tries to keep you in the dark about what might happen next in the relationship.
28)Does not respect your feelings, rights, or opinions.
29) Belittles your ideas.
30) Blames you for your hurt feelings.
31) Abuses alcohol or other drugs.
32) Is constantly asking for large amounts of money from you or others.
33) Threatens suicide or other forms of self-harm.
34) Deliberately saying or doing things that result in getting themselves seriously hurt.
35) Wants control of your money or finances and you are not living together.
36) ONLY interacts with you in a kinky or sexual manner as if role- playing.
37) Will not have normal everyday vanilla conversations.
38 Never shows you their human side. Is emotionless. Hides their vulnerability behind their D/s role.
39) Has multiple online identities for interacting within the same communities.
40) Disappears from communication for days or weeks at a time without explanation.