What I am writing here is predicated on the desire for a dom and sub to develop a meaningful relationship that can be lasting. Meaning long-term and not just based on short-term physical attraction, purely lustful desires, or kinky curiosities. This is about the conscious and unconscious emotional characteristics that will enable the dominant and submissive to develop and sustain a real lifelong bond that no outside social forces can break regardless of how hard they might try.
Dear ladies: It is a sincerely submissive minded woman’s responsibility to herself to stay focused….. and at least have a feeling that the person to whom she gives (or desires to give) control of her life (or whatever parts of it are agreed to) is capable of handling that control consistently. Also that He actually wants it. And that she will not be truly harmed in doing so.
A submissive minded woman should evaluate a man whom she feels could be her Dom, etc. based on his desire to dominate her, his actual current abilities to do so, and the future compatibility of both of their lives outside of BDSM if they are looking for that level of commitment and interaction.
HE MUST BE CAPABLE OF TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF FIRST BEFORE BE CAN POSSIBLE BE RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOU!
A man who is not competent to take care of himself: emotionally, physically, financially, etc. and, does not have self control and is accountable for all his actions, cannot possibly be trusted to take over a woman’s emotional and physical development too! And on the flip side, a woman who does not have self control, cannot give a Man what she herself does not, herself, have. Hmmmmm!
When a submissive minded woman, comes in contact with a man, what should she look for? First of all you cannot reasonably expect to truly want/desire/need to be submissive to a man whom you see as your equal. (Don’t read any further until you get that concept). If you are attempting to find a vanilla man and make him your dom, you are candidly setting yourself up for failure. Oh and let Me add, if you are one of those women who thinks she is going to turn a truly dominant man into a vanilla one….. Yup, I have come across quite a few of those too. Kind of like: I am going to tame this “bad boy” type Dom man because my pussy is ALL THAT! Okayyy…Let me get back on topic now. LOL Imagine trying to take someone you think you like, bring them to your job, get them hired, train them to be your boss and then feel justified in having to do everything they say afterwards even though you know more than they do about the job. Get it? The same goes if you are trying to evaluate him on vanilla based parameters, primarily “equality.” I am more focused on developing and maintaining, real honesty, dedication, sacrifice, humility, submission, surrender, transparency, obedience, and a mindset that is not concerned with how others see or view the impenetrable relationship that I and a totally submissive woman develop.
Before I proceed, let me give you another analogy: a smart student (possibly you), desires to come to My prestigious university (possibly one of the very best). Now, I as the provost, looking for the very best candidate, have an application process and curriculum… I tell you what it is, but you think that because you are smart, I should forgo the application process and just meet you on your terms and not only that but let you, the student, rewrite the curriculum to suit yourself! What do you think the chance of that happening is? Funny thing is… I see people claiming (or even seriously desiring) to be subs doing this to people claiming to be (or rightfully so, truly are) doms, all the time. Maybe it’s the primarily commercial and broad based diplomatic focus of the so called “community” that is overlooking and fostering this nonsense in the desire to increase their own “membership” and following. Give in to the masses (vanilla mindset) to gain financially, popularity, etc. That’s not My interest. Keep reading…
The biggest problem that a dominant man seeking an emotionally submissive woman faces, is determining that she is sincere and will be consistent in her desire to be and remain submissive. A sub’s responsibility is to show Him that she can be, wants to be, needs to be consistent in her submissiveness if she truly desires a sustainable relationship with a man who highly values her submissiveness.
I wholeheartedly believe that a submissive minded woman should behave like one from the very beginning and always–if she want to attract and maintain the attention of a dominant man who is seeking a real and sustainable emotional connectivity with a submissive minded woman. That goes way, way beyond what any level of kinkiness can sustain. The same way that I, as a straight Man, behave like and only demonstrate “straight Man” stuff in ALL my actions. That’s who I am! What woman looking for a straight man is going to have an interest in a man who she has to question his sexual preferences??? Got it!! So, hey submissive minded women… Don’t just talk about it… have faith, show deference and “be about it!” After all you should expect the Man to actually behave as dominant! A sub does not have to like, understand , or agree with His choices for her, but she should at least have the initial faith in him using her past experiences and common sense to feel comfortable in feeling that he has the interest of their shared dynamic as most important. Let Me repeat that….. Not strictly just his personal desires, but, like I said, the interest of their shared dynamic as most important. He however decides what those things are. Then through actual experiences, that faith turns into real TRUST. Her deference to his desires, coupled with actual experiences with Him, turns into real RESPECT. Humility and experiences, becomes real Surrender and submissiveness. In other words, the right belief in the dom and the right attitude towards your need for surrender, along with actual EXPERIENCES with Him is what ensures your emotional and physical safety in enslavement. There is nothing else to guarantee that. That is what a woman who desires deep emotional development with her Owner/Dom/Master/HoH, (whatever) should focus on initially.
I personally make sure every woman I have dealt with seriously understands the following mantra I have formulated over the years: your Purpose is to Learn, to fulfill all of the desires I have for you, in the hope, that I, will want to become your Master, and own and control you completely; emotionally as well as physically!”
As you are manifesting that “purpose” I am patiently developing you, guiding you, protecting you, your fears, yourself and others who will not appreciate what you are learning to do for a Man like Me!, Hmmm? Why is that? Because most of then are fighting for some semblance of equality as vanilla people or simply using kink to balance the scale (equality) in some way and won’t like you making then look bad in comparison. Oh well, be brave and let the haters’ hate!
(This writing is 100% My own thoughts)
I decided to add this a response to someone’s question here at he end of my post because I both appreciate the questions asked and I want to ensure all see the reply…
Yes, I believe that a dom type should have some personal development and competence before he/she is capable of efficiently, effectively and competently controlling someone else.
Now, we operate in a BDSM world of consent. As a result a sub type must be able to consent to what is…! I believe that any dom attempting to truly control a sub who cannot control him/her self is wasting His/Her time and energy because We cannot force our will upon the sub.
You asked, ” ..why is she looking for a Man to help her develop? Let me ask you this, Why does Floyd Mayweather have a trainer? A) to keep him sharp and make him even better. Need I elaborate more on this?
Next: Have you heard of the “Hope Diamond”? What do you think would have happened to that most rare of gems if it had been tampered with by less than the most highly qualified diamond cutter? Let Me tell you… It very likely would never have become the stone it is today. The raw materials were there, but it needed the skill, effort, knowledge, experience, patience, determination, and time of the very highest level expert for it to reach it’s best potential as the worlds largest and purest diamond! In lesser hands it might have ended up a smaller, less valuable stone.
Now finally the “not equal” conundrum. Let’s look at people who work in an environment where there is a hierarchy and is involved in the hiring process.
When I did, I looked to hire subordinates who BOTH, had the competency to do the current job description efficiently and effectively and worked well as a team with others up and down the chain of command. Additionally, I looked for people who could I could grow and develop to take on greater responsibilities as I looked to move up the corporate ladder. However if I take on an individual who thinks they can do my job as good as or better than Me, or is looking to take over My job, that person is going to cause problems for Me and those around Me.
One more analogy: Michael Jordan was in my opinion the greatest basketball player in the past 30 years, possibly of all time! He played one position on a TEAM! He was not the entire team and without the others, ie: Scotty Pippen, etc could not have become what he did. Remember what happened to him when he tried to play baseball? And take a look at what is currently happening now that he is an “Owner.” Play your position. Don’t try to be the whole team.
Thanks for reading
I am not looking for a woman who wants or desire to even be equal to Me; I want one who desires, needs and will efficiently play her permanent position in My life, FOREVER, and as a result enhances and enriches B/both our lives!