Abrasion – Dictionary term meaning a wearing, grinding, or rubbing away by friction. In BDSM play this would See also stimulating the surface of the body with abrasive materials such as rough silk, leather, sandpaper, brushes, etc.
Age Play – Acting as if you were either younger or perhaps older than you really are.
Anal Beads – A set of strung beads used to insert into the anus to stimulate the anal nerves as foreplay or to cause orgasm.
Anal Play – This is generally play where the anus may be penetrated with either beads, ice, dildos, anal plugs, penis, or fist. Rimming the anus with a finger or toys stimulates the nerves which can create a more intense orgasm. Inserting and playing with one’s prostate gland (males) will cause increased orgasm.
Anal Plug – (See also: Dildo, Vibrator) A specially designed dildo for use in the anus that is shaped in a way so that it will not “fall out”. Most commonly inserted and left in the anus for a given amount of time. Also used for “ass training” to stretch out the anus and get one accustomed to having something in their ass.
Anal Sex – (See also: Rimming) Any sexual activity involving the anus. Examples are; rimming (oral), Butt / Anal Plugs, Dildos, and penile penetration.
Animal Role Playing – Games in which one or more partners, usually the bottom, takes on the role of an animal. Most common is probably a dog, or puppy boy / girl though horses are also popular. The ‘animal’ may imitate animal behavior, wear items such as collars, leads, bridles and so on, or carry out tasks associated with animal behavior.
Arm / Leg Sleeves – Play which involves binding the arms/legs of the submissive in an attempt to restrict mobility.
Aromas – (See also: Hot Oils ) Play which involves the use of certain aroma therapy to induce relaxation. Also referred to as “poppers”. In some instances, these can be volatile compounds whose vapors cause temporarily increased heart and breathing rates, muscle relaxation, and a “rushing” feeling in the head. These types of play are popular in the gay and rave scenes, and often used in an S/m context. There are some dangers associated with their use.
Asphyxiation – (See also Breath Control, Choking) Commonly referred to as “breath control”. Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain. Any form of stopping breathing freely including choking, smothering and hoods with tubes, sacks, plastics, etc, is asphyxia. Sometimes used to cause a more intense orgasm. Other examples would be strangling which is compression of the neck or throat area to prevent oxygen to the brain; suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are extremely dangerous, either alone or with a partner, and may cause DEATH).
Auctioned for Charity – (See also: Competitions) Involves play where the partner (usually the submissive) is auctioned off to others for charitable purposes and or services to another. This is illegal in many areas.
Animal transformation fantasy: Fantasy in which the focus is on the sub entering the altered mind space of a different species, often a dog, cat, or horse.
Abrasion: Using something rough (such as sandpaper).
Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to sub drop as these return to more everyday levels. In some BDSM relationships, such as D/s, aftercare may involve the Dominant caring for the submissive if physical pain was inflicted, such as applying baby oil to areas that were struck during play.
Ageplay: Usually referring to daddy/daughter or mommy/baby role play. Does not usually include or imply aspects of incest, but rather the nurturing relationship of parent/child or teacher/student.
Anal torture: The BDSM practice of inflicting pain on the anus.
Animal Play: The sub acts or dresses like an animal (puppy, cat, pony, cow, etc.).
Auctioned off: Dominant auctions off the slave to the highest bidder (usually supervised and for temporary use).
Ball Stretching – Play which involves a type of penile constraint attached to weights in order to provide a variety of sensations including discomfort and pain, while stretching the testicles and scrotum.
Bathroom Use Control – (See also: Catheterization, Enemas) Scenes where the Dominant restricts or takes control over the submissive’s bodily functions through the use of techniques such as catheterization, enemas, diapers, rubber pants, and possibly golden showers. Examples in play: House training a puppy, age play, and golden shower play.
Bestiality – Play which incorporates the use of animals for sexual pleasure. Not to be confused with animal role playing. This form of play can be very dangerous.
Beating – (See also: Spanking, Caning) Striking the body with various objects or the hand. Typically administered as punishment in connection with childhood punishments. For example, the Dominant may administer a “beating” to an unruly submissive.
Being Serviced (sexually) – Play which involves just that. The Dominant instructing the submissive to do exactly how He / She wants the submissive to perform sexually.
BDSM – Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism: a combined acronym often used as a catch all for anything in the kink scene.
Bisexual – Sexually attracted, not exclusively, to people of one particular gender, attracted to both males and females
Biting – Scenes involving the biting of the skin to induce pain. Safety Note: Although certain types of nibbling/biting are quite safe, extreme biting causing breaking/bleeding of the skin is not recommended and can be dangerous if not carefully done.
Black sheet party – An orgy for people into BDSM sex.
Blindfolds – (See also: Full-Head Hoods) Play which involves temporarily blocking the submissive’s sense of sight. This type of play is essential when everyday objects are used to give unexpected sensations. Blindfolds come in many forms from the more expensive leather (full-head type) to the more inexpensive handkerchiefs, scarves, bandages. Safety Note: Do not make the blindfold too tight as to put pressure on the eyeballs. Although some people take blindfolding in stride, it can have unpredictable psychological effects and be extremely frightening for some people.
Bondage – (See also: Breast / Chest Bondage, Immobilization, Intricate Japanese Rope Bondage, Manacles / Irons, Mummification, Shibari, Spreader Bar, Straight Jacket) The restriction of a person’s bodily movements for erotic reasons using fastenings of various types or textures. Also used in S/M practices though with a heavier pretense. Examples; Rope, cuffs, chains, and other restraining apparatus.
Boot Worship – (See also: Foot Worship, Homage, High Heels) The practice of play involving a fetish for boots / shoes. Commonly used for Domination and humiliation practices (i.e., licking or cleaning of the Dominant’s boots, shoes or bare feet).
Bottom – one who receives physical sensation from a top in a scene; the one-done-to rather than the do-er.
Branding – (See also: Cutting, Knife Play, Tattoo) Making a permanent or semi-permanent scar on the skin by burning it with a hot metal object, as practiced on livestock. Seen by some as “body art”, this technique can be carried out safely; however, it is still likely to be intensely painful. Can also use temporary tattoos or markers. Used by Dominants to mark Their property. Not for the novice.
Breast / Chest Bondage – (See also: Bondage) The restriction / bondage of the woman’s breast / chest area for erotic reasons using various types of fastenings (i.e., rope, scarves, etc.). Breath Control: The dominant controls the submissive’s breathing.
Breast Whipping – Whipping of the woman’s / submissive’s chest area using a variety of items which include: floggers, whips, cat tails, paddles, for erotic purposes.
Breath Control – (See also: Asphyxiation, Choking) Refers to play involving control of or restriction of air and / or oxygen to the brain. Other examples would be strangling, which is compression of the neck/throat area to prevent the flow of oxygen to the brain. Suffocation involves reducing the level of oxygen available to breathe; hanging where the body is suspended by the neck (remember, all these games are dangerous to play, either alone or with a partner).
Brown Showers (Scat) – The practice of play involving a fetish for including human (or animal) feces. Although this type of play can be safe if done correctly, it is not recommended for those faint of heart!
Bruising – A condition which may occur as a result of pinching or striking. Care should be taken to avoid bruising.
Butt plug – Much like a dildo, but pear-shaped with a flared base. The flared base prevents the plug from being lost in the anal cavity; the pear shape helps hold the plug in place. They come in a variety of sizes; some can vibrate.
Caning – (See also: Beating , Whipping ) Caning – Mostly made of bamboo, this whip is by far the most painful. Care should be used, as the welts from caning are slow to rise, and blood can be accidentally drawn if not in constant monitoring. Caning should be limited to the fleshy part of the buttocks, and nowhere else on the body. This can be very dangerous, and is not for the novice.
Castration Fantasy – (See also: Cutting, Knife Play) There has been much confusion as to the actual meaning of this term. This refers to removal of the testicles; however, some people use it for the removal of any/all sexual organs of either sex. The removal of the testicles is sometimes referred to as Emasculation and a man who has had his testicles removed is referred to as a eunuch. This procedure causes permanent and significant changes to the body. Castration fantasies are actually quite common among the heavy S/m players and are played out in scenes involving cock and ball torture (CBT), permanent and play piercing, and even genital shaving. However, few people actually choose to make this fantasy a reality. It should be noted here that this is a serious surgical procedure and not something someone can teach themselves to do safely. This form of play is very dangerous.
Catheterization – (See also: Bathroom Use Control, Enemas, Urethral Play) A flexible tube used in medical procedures generally inserted into the area controlled by the bladder. This procedure is most often used for “control” scenes.
Cattle Prod – An electrical prodding device used to herd animals, more frequently for cattle. Sometimes used in S/m play for “branding” or serious hardcore pain play, and is considered dangerous play.
Cells or Closets – Play which involves locking the submissive in a cell-type device and / or closet. Usually as a form of punishment. Not recommended for claustrophobics.
Chains – A strong metal type of bondage material used in bondage scenes. Chains are less flexible and potentially more dangerous than other types of bondage material. Note: Always make sure you observe metal bondage rules and choose a chain and equipment that will withstand heavier strain.
Chamber-Pot Use – Scenes involving the use of the toilet for humiliation and / or control. Generally used for medical scenes.
Chastity – A form of erotic sexual denial or orgasm denial whereby a person is prevented from access to, or stimulation of, their genitals, save at the whim or choice of their partner, usually by means of a device (called a chastity belt or sometimes for men a cock cage) that prevents contact and is controlled by means of a lock by the partner.
Chastity Belt – (See also: Enforced Chastity) In S/M circles, meaning the banning or physically preventing one (male or female) from achieving orgasm or any form of genital stimulation. A means of domination over one’s submissive. A device (lockable) panty-type which when worn prevents any type of genital stimulation.
Chauffeuring – Requiring one’s submissive to “chauffeur” them around physically in vehicles or other types of transportation.
Choking – (See also: Asphyxiation, Breath Control) Compression of the carotid arteries in order to restrict air or blood flow to the brain. This form of play is dangerous.
Chores (Domestic Service) – (See also: Housework) Scenes where the Dominant requires the submissive to perform chores and / or domestic service in either sexually pleasing clothing (i.e., maid outfits) or naked.
Clothespins – (See also Nipple Clamps) Small pinning devices used for hanging clothes. Generally used in BDSM play as quite effective nipple clamps, testicle clamps, etc. Great for the bargain BDSM player! Be sure the wood doesn’t become stuck to the skin while removing, as it will remove skin from body.
Cock & Ball Torture – any form of restraint or orgasm control to a male’s genitals. Can be used for play or punishment. Not for the novice, as this can be dangerous.
Cock Ring – Rubber, metal, or leather type ring used to strap around the base of the cock and balls when soft. Increases blood flow to the genital area during self-stimulation and sex. When released, causes minor pain during recurring blood flow.
Cock Worship – (See also: Homage, Licking) Play which involves the fantasy of worshiping the cock. Performed mostly by the submissive to the Dominant. Scenes might include licking and / or fellatio. Even some female Dominants may use a strap-on that is worshiped by the submissive male or female.
Collar – A collar worn around the neck to indicate one’s submissiveness. These can be made of leather, steel, rubber, rope. Used in scenes for humiliation and / or examples such as dog / puppy or even boy / girl play.
Collared – Submissive or slave who is owned, usually (but certainly not exclusively) in a loving intimate relationship. A Dominant may have multiple persons collared. Also: a pup’s status, as differentiated from a “stray”.
Collaring – The formal acceptance by a Dominant, of a sub’s service, or the “ownership” of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a Dominant openly commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).
Competitions (With Other Subs) – (See also: Auctioned for Charity) Scenes involving competitive-type sports or play with other submissives.
Consent – Mutual agreement to the terms of a scene or ongoing BDSM relationship.
Consensual non-consent – A mutual agreement that within defined limits, consent will be given as read without foreknowledge of the exact actions planned. As such, it is a show of trust and understanding and usually undertaken only by partners who know each other well, or otherwise agree to set clear safe limits on their activities.
Contract – A written agreement between the Dominant & submissive. It can be formal or non-formal, and is usually written after much negotiation by the Dominant and the submissive, outlining what structure, guidelines, rules and boundaries to the relationship are agreed upon by the two. It is not legally binding.
Corsets – A lingerie / binding type device worn to restrict the chest area and make the waist smaller. Worn by early 19th Century women as a form of formal dress to make one’s self more appealing to the opposite sex.
Crotch Torture – Any form of torture to the male or female genital area.
Cuffs – A leather or metal bondage device used to restrict movement. Usually locks around the limbs in order to place the submissive in a precarious position.
Cutting – (See also: Abrasion, Branding, Castration Fantasy, Knife Play) Cutting the surface of the skin with sharp objects, generally a knife, for the thrill, sensation, or pain. To also create decorative scars. The same basic precautions apply as with other types of blood play. Remember to stay away from vital organ areas and genital cutting. See also Abrasion, Branding, or Castration Fantasy.
D/s – Dominance/submission: play or relationships that involve an erotic power exchange.
Diapers – Waterproof panties or cloth worn in BDSM play for the object of child-playing scenes. Also used in control scenes for controlling bodily functions.
Dilation – The term used when a woman’s cervix is dilated (opened) to aid in childbirth. In BDSM play dilation occurs when a speculum (pelvic exam device) is used to open the cervix for medical scening. Safety Note: Care should be exercised and previous study should be done, before attempting this play. This form of play is dangerous
Dildo – (See also: Anal Plug, Vibrator) From the French term meaning “I please myself). A phallic-shaped device designed for insertion into the body. Early versions were made of stuffed animal gut, leather, or ceramics; however, today they are most commonly crafted of molded latex. They may be hand-held, strapped on with harnesses to allow women to wear, or permanently placed on other devices to ensure stability during use. Hygiene demands that dildos not be shared with others, or condoms be placed on dildos to prevent the spread of STD’s.
Dom – See Dominant
Dominant – A person who exercises control – contrast with submissive.
Dominatrix – A Dominant, usually female and often a Pro-Domme.
Domme – Female identified person who exercises control (see also Dominatrix). Often associated with a particular brand of traditional femininity; many younger female dominants prefer to use the non-gendered terms Dom/Dominant.
Double Penetration – Play involving the penetration of two or more bodily orifices with various types of devices and / or genitalia, (i.e., penetration of the mouth / rectum / vagina, etc.)
Dungeon – Usually referring to a room or area with BDSM equipment and play space.
Dungeon Fairy – A person in service to a dungeon during play and other activities where services such as cleaning, restocking supplies, fetching water and others may be needed. (Can also be a dungeon monitor/master)
Dungeon Monitor/Master (or DM) – A person who supervises the interactions between participants at a play party or dungeons to enforce house rules – essentially, the bouncer of a BDSM event. They sometimes also play cruise director to keep/get the party going.