Checklist – communication tool

Filling Out a Fetish/ Kink/ BDSM Checklist – a Guide for New Submissives and Dominants by Bea Amor

In all my attempts to advise new submissives, I always tell them to fill out their BDSM/ kink checklist and to fill one out with each new Dominant in order to find out whether they actually fit and whether their limits and preferences are the same. In this article I thought I would tell you all about the kink checklist, what it is, why it is important and where you can find some of these kink lists. Yes, there is more than one, but basically they all have the same purpose.

The kink list is usually a list of activities that could be broken up into fetishes, power play, sadism and masochism, sexuality or just list activities alphabetically. They are generally broken up into columns that indicate the activity, the level of experience one has in that activity and whether one is willing to experience the activity on a scale of 0 to 5. A 0 would indicate a hard limit (something one does not want to do ever) and a 1 or 2 would indicate a soft limit (something that one would not like to do, but would be willing to try if the dominant was interested). Anything above a 3 would indicate that the activity would be something enjoyable to you and could be something you love.

Kink lists are generally filled out by the submissives and then submitted to their prospective or current dominants on a regular basis as dictated by the agreement between them. It is however imperative that a submissive ask the prospective dominant to fill one out as well so he or she can see whether both parties share the same kinks and whether the kinks that they do not share fall into the soft or hard limits category. A dominant with too many kinks that fall into the hard limits category is not a good match especially if you are considering going into a master slave relationship. In order to establish the truth in both lists, make sure that you both give the lists to each other at the same time and that these lists are then discussed.

The other big benefit of a kink list is that it helps you to research activities you did not know anything about. Just the term can trigger research and will help you to define your limits more realistically. I do not know a lot of submissives that would gladly say that they have no limits after filling out a kink list.

The kink list is also valuable when used by a couple that has been together for a while. It is useful to track the submissive’s progress when it comes to limits that have been changed or pushed. The dominant can monitor any progress in how the submissive feels about certain activities and this will help him or her to plan scenes or play sessions at public play parties or in private more effectively.

The kink list should be newly done for any new relationship because certain hard limits and soft limits may have changed within an established relationship that would revert back to soft and hard limits with someone you do not trust yet. There are activities that I love doing with my dominant, but that I would never allow with another dominant without that dominant showing me that I can trust him or her.

The kink list in my mind is one of the important tools in building trust with a dominant over a period of time and also helps me in my searches when I am searching. You can find these lists on any of the following sites: