Helpful precautions for new submissive girls by hungandnasty
A wonderful post from @RainDeGrey about a negative first experience as a sub and the dangers posed by untrustworthy Doms prompted me to write this in reply. It is a set of simple guidelines for submissive girls who are just starting out in the scene and considering meeting a Dom for play.
One of the hardest parts of being a Dom (especially one who engages in non-consensual fantasies) is the worry that you lull inexperienced girls into a false sense of security. If a bondage, rough sex or forced sex fantasy play date went well with ME, surely it will be fine with the next guy? He might sound the same as me, offer the same kind of experience, but turn out to be an abusive thug.
For this reason, I compiled a list over the years of basic precautions a girl should take when meeting someone unfamiliar and I always run girls through it. Some may seem incredibly obvious, but I am amazed how many girls fail to take even the simplest precautions when meeting me!
Naturally, these rules can be relaxed over time when you get to know someone, but should be adhered to at the beginning. It doesn’t take much effort to follow them (they become second nature after a while) and you will still have plenty of fun, spontaneity and nerves on the night.
No set of rules or guidelines can keep anyone completely safe, but it’s better to minimise your chances of a negative experience.
1. DON’T GIVE OUT PERSONAL INFORMATION
Until you know someone well, don’t tell them your real name (first or second), occupation (except in a very general or slightly altered sense), exact age, address, place of work or the names of any schools or institutions you have attended.
Seems a bit much? It isn’t! With just a first name, occupation and one or two other seemingly trivial pieces of information, a guy can usually find out pretty much everything about you after 20 minutes searching on the internet. There’s no need to give away these details and it’s very helpful if you do not. The last thing you want is some possessive freak or guy that cannot handle rejection turning up at your house the next day or ringing your work.
Use a “stage name” for all of your encounters – something you like and that is easy to remember. I have used the same name for 15 years and answer to it as much as my real name (there are nutty women out there too, you know :)
2. BE CAREFUL WITH PICTURES
When meeting someone new, they will usually ask for pictures so they know what you look like. Only ever send pics that you have not posted anywhere on the internet (eg: on Facebook, Twitter or other sites). Just have a few set aside for this purpose. If you send him, say, an image that you also have posted on your Facebook profile, he can simply run your picture through a reverse image search engine and find your Facebook account from there!
Also be careful sending naked or hardcore pictures of yourself to someone you don’t know well or necessarily trust. Obviously, a lot of us have these pics in our Fet accounts and take that risk, but if the person you meet ends up finding out your real name down the track and, for example, takes rejection or a break up badly, you probably don’t want him having copies.
Try sending either (a) normal fully clothed pictures; or (b) naked / hardcore pictures without your face in them. This way, you’re less liable to be embarrassed down the track (as you can always deny the naked shots are actually you!)
3. GET YOURSELF A DEDICATED ‘DIRTY’ PHONE
Most of us have an old mobile phone or two sitting in a drawer. Get one of them out, buy yourself a $10 PIN card for it, get some prepaid credit, and use this phone when dealing with people you don’t know well. This is now your ‘dirty phone’ :)
By using your normal phone for friends/work and your dirty phone for new encounters, you avoid pests and stalkers. If a guy starts texting or calling too much or keeps contacting you after you ask him not to, you can just throw the dirty phone back in the drawer with no disruption to your life. If, on the other hand, you made the mistake of using one phone for everything, you suddenly have constant unwanted calls or messages beeping away and interrupting you. (Note: Some of the newer smart phones enable you to block numbers, which is helpful).
Separate phones also helps keep different parts of your life separate for those of us who prefer it that way (and not everyone does). The last thing you might want when sitting down to dinner with your folks is a text coming through saying “Dear Slut, I enjoyed butt fucking you last night – Love, AssRapist.”
Oh, and when recording your voice-mail greeting on your dirty phone, just say “You missed me, leave a message” or remember to use your stage name. “Hi, you have reached Lidia Wachosky at CityBank” etc. is obviously a stupid idea :)
4. HAVE A DEDICATED EMAIL ADDRESS OR CHAT HANDLE
Don’t email a new person from an address that contains your name or work details. You’d be amazed how many people do this. Have a dedicated gmail or Hotmail account that you use to communicate with new people.
5. IF POSSIBLE, MEET SOMEWHERE PUBLIC FIRST & PLAN A PLAY DATE FROM THERE
For many of us, taking risks is part of the thrill and it can be fun to meet a relative stranger and play on the first night. If that’s what you’re determined to do, at least take the other precautions on this list. If you want to play it safe, however, it’s best to meet a new person for a drink first somewhere public.
Pick the place yourself so you are comfortable with the venue. Make it clear that you don’t play on the first night and just want to assess him and make sure he isn’t a nutter or a stalker. If you don’t like him, get a bad vibe from him, feel he is too pushy or insistent, or are simply not attracted to him in the flesh, you can either say so or send a polite text later from your dirty phone. If you like him, you can plan a night to play.
6. BOOK A SAFETY CALL WITH A FRIEND
When you do decide to play with a new person, always tell a friend or friends when and where you are doing it. Arrange to call a friend during the night at a specific time and say a specific thing “This is Lisa and everything is fine” etc. If you fail to call at that time or say something different when you do, this friend should be instructed to come over / raise the alarm / call the hotel / call the police etc.
Make sure the guy KNOWS that you have friends who know where you are and are on standby in case something knows wrong.
7. DON’T MEET AT YOUR PLACE OR LET HIM DROP YOU HOME AT YOUR PLACE
In the very early stages, it is best not to play at your own house or let a guy drop you home there either. You want to keep your address to yourself until you really trust someone.
Obviously, it might be risky to play at his place the first time too, but you do have to play somewhere! Ideally, get him to spring for a nice hotel room. If you’re stuck with his place, make sure he knows your friends have been given his address and are on standby in case something goes wrong.
8. GET INFORMATION ABOUT HIM
Although it is somewhat of a double standard and he might be as reluctant as you to give out personal information, a submissive girl is obviously taking much more of a risk and so you are entitled to get some comfort. Explain this to him and ask for his name, address, place of work etc or even to see his driver’s licence!
Naturally, this is tricky territory, as some guys like to remain relatively anonymous at first (I certainly do) or might be equally on guard for female stalkers or freaks. Do the best you can and make sure you feel relatively comfortable. After all, it is always a bit scary to place yourself in the hands of a man you know zero about and that could vanish into nothingness the next day.
Anyway, that’s the advice I always give playmates and I really hope it is of use to girls starting out. It may seem a little anal and like overkill to some people, but it is actually very easy to follow and you quickly become used to it.
Until you have a negative experience, it might be hard to see the value in these rules, but once you do, they seem like basic common sense. Each is based or came about via a real experience that I have had or that someone I know has had. They exist for a reason.
There is SO much fun to be had out there, but by taking a few simple precautions, you can try to ensure that you have that fun with the right people.
Enjoy and be safe,
“Jack”