This is a Journal entry from Malbon’s writings on Fetlife.
Munches are just great aren’t they? A free social event where you can meet other kinky people, maybe even find that elusive compatible partner. The door is open, and you are welcome.
But it didn’t work out so well, did it? You felt left out, no one wanted to talk to you, and it seemed like you weren’t so welcome after all. Just a clique of people who all seem to know each other, all talking and laughing away, enjoying themselves. What went wrong?
You didn’t have any munch technique. In fact everyone there was perfectly willing to meet you, chat to you, even to make friends with you, but you just didn’t know how to approach it. So listen, and learn.
- Appear confident
It doesn’t matter if you are confident or not, you just have to appear to be. Just pretend. Act as if you are. Most people aren’t actually as confident as they make out, they’re just better at making the effort to function socially. Don’t over do it, but just make yourself extra bright and positive for a while. Go on, you can do it.
Feel a bit nervous, little bit daunted? Understand that most people feel the same about social situations until they settle down and relax. Even the most experienced munchers are wondering if they are going to enjoy it this time. Everyone is in the same boat, to some extent, you’re probably not alone in feeling a little tense to begin with.
- Be polite
A little courtesy goes a long way if you’re meeting new people. When someone new hoves into view people are thinking – is this person going to be ok? Being courteous tells them that you probably are.
- Don’t bore people
Someone is happy to meet you and exchange a few words. They may not want to hear your life story, or be treated to a lengthy diatribe about your pet topic. When you’ve got to know someone they may want to hear about it, not now. Conversation involves a mixture of talking and listening – try to do both.
- Show an interest
The easiest way to get on with most people is to show a genuine interest in them. Try doing a bit of research, look at people’s profiles before you go and see what they are interested in. Ask them about it. Chances are they will be pleased you have shown an interest in them – let’s hope they will observe point 4!
- Climb out of your shell
In order to socialise with people you have to forget your self-absorption. Think about how other people are feeling, and stop worrying about yourself. They have problems too, they have just decided to forget about them for a while and enjoy the occasion. Do the same.
- Keep it zipped
Perhaps there are people there you find attractive. Keep it to yourself. If you get on well with someone a little light flirting may be fine, but people who don’t know you will almost always find overt sexual interest a real turn-off. Relax, take it easy. Remember you are here to get to know people, make friends, that’s all. If you make friends anything is possible, if you don’t it usually isn’t.
- Respect protocols
Some of the people there are already partnered, and may be in a DS relationship. Want to chat to that attractive woman? See that collar round her neck? Maybe that guy over there is her Master, or that other lady is her Mistress. Show respect for people and they will be happy to meet you, make a blatant beeline for someone’s property and they may not be. Be aware of existing dynamics, and if you’re not sure, ask. Politely.
- Watch and respond to signals
Eye contact means someone is ok talking to you. If they start glancing away from you it usually means they’ve had enough now, thanks, and want to talk to someone else. Let them escape, gracefully. They were happy to meet you, but they want to move on. You did fine, broke the ice, but that’s it for now.
- Make it fun
Most people go to munches hoping to relax, have a laugh, maybe meet some old friends, maybe meet some interesting new people. They want a relaxed, fun atmosphere where people are feeling good. Contribute to that and people will be glad you came.