Real Party Etiquette – or – What They Do NOT Tell You by The BellaKitty

Real Party Etiquette – or – What They Do NOT Tell You
© 2012 The BellaKitty
May be shared with permission and credit given.

So some while back, a couple of friends of mine (Tinkerbytch and Polywitch – hey that rhymes!) and i were going back and forth on something i had long thought of – the etiquette that you NEED for parties, but nobody will tell you.

Here is the honest truth, beyond venue rules; beyond ‘do not touch’, and safewords. Here are the real basics we all need.

Watch what you eat for lunch – For the love of all that is holy, don’t eat beans (or cabbage or mexican or anything gassy!) for lunch. If you are lucky, your ass will be up in the air later, exposed to everyone. You might enjoy humiliation, but is THIS the way you want it? Nobody wants to be known as ‘she who farts a lot’. (This goes for tops too – you do not want to have to crack that whip to cover the sound of barking frogs!)

Wet wipe when you potty – Do you want to make the fashion statement of ‘the little tissue dingleberries’ when you get naked later? I didn’t think so. (In addition, this can help avoid the dreaded ‘swamp ass’)

Tuck in the tampon string – Or better yet, buy ‘Instead’ or ‘Beppy Tampon’ brand feminine protection. Aunt Flo can be an inconsiderate bitch, but at least we have ways of making it less visible.

Lactose intolerant? – Think about what you eat the day BEFORE a play party. Missing out on everything because you are either admiring the restroom walls or creating a gas hazard area is not fun for you or anyone else.

Actually, EVERYONE – Think about what you eat the day before a play party. Nobody wants to be pooping corn and then getting their ass whupped.

Lotion? – Do you like people biting on you? Does that lotion that makes you smell all purty-like also taste good? No? Then think about where you put it. (This includes cologne, perfume, sprays, essential oils, etc. If it’s stinky, does it taste good?)

Ass-play? – A pre-party enema might be a good thing to consider before you corset up. Figging and non-consensual scat play are not happy bed partners. Wet wipes are still your friend and again, reconsider the corn, beans etc for at least 24 hours before you play!

Breath fresheners are NEVER a bad thing – And help with smoker’s/coffee/onion breath and make you more fun to kiss, (and can make oral interesting!). Also, if you are going to be whispering sweet threats in someone’s ear, do you really want them to know you had onion bagels for lunch? In addition, if you are panting out your pain and pleasure, you do not want your top to go to long toys to gain some distance? No? Then freshen that mouth up. Those little disposable toothbrush thingies are great for this!

Pee often! – You don’t want to have waited all night to play, finally you are up and you haven’t been to the bathroom in 2+ hours. In your excitement you forget about it and suddenly find yourself tied up and have to safe word for a full bladder – major bummer. Go often and remember those wet wipes.

For girls and guys – If you can braid it, ‘scape it! ’nuff said.

Foundation = bad – Whore red lips and mascara that will run when you cry = good! Please see the above about lotion. Foundation tastes, (and smells), even worse.

Avoid Dirty Porn Feet (DPF) – DPF do NOT look pretty when you are kicking and screaming. Bring some socks or little foldup shoes for when those rockin’ heels are killing your feet – be cute, be comfy, be DPF free.

Cleanliness is next to… more people than uncleanliness. – Shit, shower, shave works for more than the military – and do NOT forget the deodorant! Play can be hard, sweaty work and you would like to still be able to hug people later without them wrinkling their noses. No. Seriously. Add it to your toybag along with those toothbrushes and the wipes which can do double duty here if needed.

Boots, THEN bodice – Unless you have a nice assistant to lace up those boots for you. Ever tried to bend over once you are laced in? Uh huh. Boots, THEN bodice.

Comfy clothes – That amazing outfit full of tulle, straps, lacing, etc was the hit of the party. Now you are tired, covered in bruises and headed to IHOP – do you really wanna get back into all that? Nope? Bring yourself some ‘after’ clothes that are comfy and take into account marks you might wanna hide from those nice officers at the next table drinking coffee at 4am.

Comfy shoes – Addendum to above. Those 5 inch heels were awesome, and you even avoided DPF – YAY! However, now that you are in your jammy pants and over sized shirt to hit some pancakes, do they match your new outfit? Bring some shoes to go with those comfy after clothes – again, draws a lot less attention from our friendly boys in blue.

There ladies and gentlemen is the knowledge i have garnered over the years.

Please share, enjoy and “love” it if you laughed.

Because you and i both know – Everything is true. God’s an Astronaut. Oz is Over the Rainbow, and the above points should be known to all.

© 2012 The BellaKitty
May be shared with permission and credit given.

original post is The Bella’s found at:Kitty

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Real Party Etiquette – or – What They Do NOT Tell You by The BellaKitty
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