It’s been a while since I wrote my last post for “Attention for the D”.
Life happens sometimes…
But I would like to pick this back up, because this information is important and I love sharing with you.
So here is the next one: Aftercare for the D.
Now, most of you are aware that aftercare is oftentimes a must-have for a sub/slave/bottom that just had a session. It helps them come down from that high, helps prevent a sub-drop and more of those negative side-effects of being in a position where you are at the receiving end of the stick, so to speak. (Ok, sometimes literally)
Often I read people reacting to the importance of aftercare for lowercase participants, but not a lot about the importance of aftercare for the Capital letter.
This baffles me a little and on the other hand again, I understand. The Cap is the one in control, the one inflicting the “damage” and is in a safer position than the lowercase.
And that’s exactly why they can need aftercare as much as a lowercase!!!
The Cap just had the safety, well-being and health of another person literally in their hands. The weight of knowing you’re intentionally inflicting potential harm on another person, in spite of it being completely consensual, can be quite heavy and aftercare helps lift that weight. Let’s them know it’s alright.
It’s not a sign of weakness to express your need for aftercare as a Cap, but a sign of respect. Of wanting or needing to share that important and sensitive moment.
That magical moment of aftercare let’s them have time to come back down, too. To make sure both of you are okay, that what they did was okay and that it’s okay that they’re sadistic fucks who get off on your pain, struggle or suffering.
From my personal experience, I struggle with my sadism. I’m a warm and loving person who does not like hurting people. But I’m also a vicious Sadist who gets great pleasure from watching you suffer both mentally and physically.
Within the limits of consent, I am still a person who is inflicting horrors and pains on another human being. Yes, they’ve asked for it and yes, they really did want it, but aftercare gives me that moment to get back to earth WITH you. If I did not get that moment, the guilt would kick in, I’d feel very alone and it would put such a damper on what had been an amazingly wonderful and intense session… Which is a shame.
Caps need to get back to their “daily life person inside” safely too. The one with the conscience, potential guilty feelings and fragility of a human being.
That moment that puts the voices in the back of your head to rest and lets you know that what you did is okay, that you are wanted, that you are appreciated for who you are.
I personally chose to share the aftercare. That moment I hold you after a session is for both of us. The embrace, the skin-contact and my small verbal expressions of pride and thankfulness. I get a lot from little things.
And should I get a genuine and heartfelt “thank you”, you make me the happiest Top in the world and I feel like Wonder Woman ain’t got nothing on me.
If you play with a new D/M/Top for the first time, why not ask them if they prefer aftercare and if they do, what they need?
Let’s normalize the possible want and need for aftercare with Caps.
TL;DR: Everyone needs aftercare sometimes! And that’s okay.