It’s your first munch, eh? I bet you’re thinking… by ThoughtsofYou

It’s your first munch, eh? I bet you’re thinking… by ThoughtsofYou

ORGY! ORGY! [- newbie]

Whoa, slow your roll. [- oldie]

Firstly, it’s nice to meet you and thanks for coming.

I just want to clear some things up…

Kink has a lot of reputations — good, bad, wrong and inexplicable.


Haha, yeah…

Munches seem to get this crazy fantastical reputation that it will become this amazing, ginormous orgy sex party!

And everyone is gonna be covered in leather!

And latex!

And we’re all gonna sex!


Yeah, no.

it’s not like that…

This is just a way of meeting like-minded people, sharing ideas and becoming a part of a community.

It’s casual. So calm down.

No orgy?

And by no means does it (always) lead to orgies, play or even sex.

You might not even make a friend!

(Okay, that’s harsh…you probably will make many friends…unless you’re watching from a bar on the other side of the restaurant.)

Quite often, it’s just dinner and you have a great night with nice folks…then you go home.

Usually alone.

WAIT! WHAT?! No sex?

No…I mean, it’s like any other relationship(/date) — just on steroids…

Kink is all about trust — on every level: Social, physical, emotional…Arguably moreso than traditional relationships.

Everyone involved is taking a big risk no matter the settings.

So everyone has a responsibility to communicate and be discreet.

You are the newbie. You need to be on your best behavior and show your lovely colors. Be who you are, but like you’re at a job interview…behave yourself!


I mean,

Every munch is different. Every party is different. Every person is different.

Kink is not only individual, but entirely situational. Just because someone is kinky doesn’t mean they want to play. It doesn’t mean their promiscuous. They may not even want to be touched…

AND munches may not lead to parties.

Just like a date may not lead to marriage. Don’t push it, just let things pan out however they may. Be reliable, be friendly, be responsible and good things will come.

Everything in kink is sticky and complicated. Mistakes can so easily be made that can become permanent perceptions of who you are and how you act within the community.

These perceptions can greatly impact your relationship with the community (positively or negatively.) So be good.

That’s not fair! Kinky people have no right to be judgmental!

Think about it, you see these people approximately once a month…in extremely peculiar, moderately risky circumstances…you can’t blame kinksters for being a bit quick to judge and slow to trust.

~~~Let me tell you a quick story….

I spent my whole first munch practically stuck to the wall/the torso of my dear friend. In the beginning, I went around (with the dear friend) and introduced myself, but after that was a complete voyeur.

I had no idea what munches were like, how I was supposed to interact or what would develop. It took me awhile to warm up and understand the etiquette required.

I was lucky to have friends on the inside already who showed me the ropes (ha, snicker) and vouched for me to come to not only the munch, but the afterparty.

So there IS an after party!

Look, ugh, you’re not getting it. MAYBE.

Okay, if the stars align: your hosts are generous, they have a safe play space, they trust you AND you get invited….MAYBE. Just maybe, but relax


Similar to you, I assumed the after party meant a lot of wild sex and crazy play and to some degree, it was true. But not really…Not like the movies.

We weren’t all nekid and sexin’ together. Partners play together, sometimes guests/friends. Sometimes newbies decide to scene.

YESSS!!! I knew it

You need to understnad though….it’s not a free for all. It’s not all Wild Wild West….There are rules. Boundaries. You need to be cautious. Your actions speak loudly in this delicate space.

Ask. Ask. Ask.

Are there house rules? Can I help you set up/clean up? Can I bring anything?

Just be polite. Use your head.

And don’t assume that because we’re kinky and we’re at a party that we’re up for a good fondle/grope…because we’re probably not.

Though, many of us could be under the right circumstances.

And DO NOT use anything on anyone.

Not even your hands! Keep them in your pockets.

I thought this was a party…

It is, but again — basic human decency.

You need to ask before you do anything. Before you touch people. Before you take water from the fridge. Before you test the flogger on that cute booty.

And sometimes you can’t even ask the person, you have to ask their Master or Dom or Mistress or boyfriend or owner or whatever. Ya know? This is not a frat house.

You need 5,000% the respect, patience and understanding of your grandma’s 70th birthday party.

And a dab of bravery.

Do you get it?


Come with no expectations other than a good time and new friends and you are so much more likely to be happy and satisfied when you leave.

Be willing to ask questions, try new things and just relax.

It’ll all pan out.

We’ve all been the newbie at some point.

<3 Good luck! See you soon ;)

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